Lessons from a Sickbed on How to Ask and Receive

The week of Thanksgiving found me feeling not so thankful. I didn’t have plans to spend the day anywhere, so there were already emotions surrounding that. Then I got sick. A simple cold took me out. I found myself in bed for the entire week. I slept and slept and slept some more. I was miserable.

Sick and alone was in no way a part of my plan. Yet, here I was. For the most part, I actually love being single. I love the freedom to make my own choices and to do what I want and go where I want. But one thing I loathe about being single is that I have to make every decision and take care of myself. When I get sick, it’s just me.

Many tears were shed, and I felt weak and exhausted. I didn’t have any strength to believe the truth even though I knew it. Instead, I had an all-out pity party for myself. I sent out invites, and depression and hopelessness showed up with bells on.

I rehearsed all the standards lies: I’m alone. I’m unloved. I’m unseen. They played on a loop, and I allowed the voice of the enemy to grow louder than the voice of God.

Though I would’ve normally kept all my pain and struggle to myself, the Lord prompted me to share about how I was doing with my church and to ask for prayer. And then the church did what it’s supposed to do — be the hands and feet of Christ to me.

Multiple texts and phone calls began to come in to check on me. One friend brought me a Thanksgiving meal. Another brought me homemade chicken noodle soup. And my pastor’s wife brought me more soup and electrolytes. I was blown away by the love of God through their care for me.

To read the rest, join me over at Incourage!

On Hitting Walls, Being Vulnerable, and the Power of Praise

I won’t sugarcoat the last few months. They’ve been hard. In some ways, I can pinpoint what’s made them so hard — funerals, family drama, extreme fatigue and pain in my body. On the other hand, there have been many days when I’ve woken up with a sense of dread for no reason. I’ve battled severe anxiety and depression. Fear has gripped me unlike any other time in my life. I’ve felt hopeless and on edge.

Do you know who I told about all the things? Absolutely no one.

Now, I love people. Community is my jam. And I know we’re better together. But I have a confession: More often than I care to admit it, I find myself living as an island. I suffer in silence. I have this need for people to think I can handle anything, that I can take care of myself by myself. I don’t want them to think I’m needy. I don’t do this intentionally. I’ve just always lived this way and have been slow in growing to express my need for God or others.

Though the Lord is working on me with this, I recently fell into isolation, avoidance, and withdrawal again. I completely shut down. I was overwhelmed in every way, and I couldn’t help myself. Before I knew it, it had been months since I’d talked to dear friends. In my everyday and at church, I was simply going through the motions.

I eventually hit a wall and broke down. I knew I needed to be honest with God and with the people in my life. I knew I needed to be vulnerable, even though I have the nagging fear that if I’m 100 percent forthcoming, I won’t be accepted or loved. I’m sure many of you face the same fears — of being left alone and rejected — and shame keeps us in an unending loop of insecurity.

At church, my pastor has been preaching on the power of praise and how the body of Christ needs each other. For months, I had been listening and taking notes, but I felt disconnected to the truths of God’s Word because I was focusing on my circumstances. But slowly, God has been lifting the veil to help me see His goodness, kindness, and faithfulness again, and as He did, I saw I had been missing the very things that I had been learning through my pastor’s sermons.

To read the rest, join me over at (in)courage!